It is exactly 2920 days since the exit of my mentor, our role model, our hope and my pride.
The Tuesday of August 16, 2005 will forever be etched in the minds of my family members and our well-wishers, as one of the darkest day in our memories. Without any alarm, death got hold off the breath and freezes the body of my dear father A. A. Dandare (A Deputy Comptroller in the Nigerian Customs Service), his feet and palms where suddenly changed to a greener colour proving the absence of blood, his eyes where wide open but couldn't see any object, his mouth was open but his tongue can't say a word and his heart suddenly pause to pump. It will pump no more.
Due to complications surrounding his illness, he was taken to a Missionary hospital in Parakou, a bordering town in Benin Republic after visiting many hospitals both at home and abroad. With him was my step mom and his younger brother (my uncle).
He was immediately attended to by medical experts on duty and was admitted into the hospital. On admission, the doctors ordered he should have some rest and be giving time to relax, he should be serve a liquid meal when he woke up. He slept for a while and woke up after several hours, a liquid meal to be serve and he asked for pap rather than custard. My step mom plugged a kettle boiler to heat some water so as to prepare a pap for him. She turned to pour the boiled water into a container and took away her eyes off him for scarcely forty seconds. She turned back to found him on his hospital bed, peacefully gone to sleep -- but for ever. Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun! Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun! Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun.
Well wishers had thronged our residence in Kebbi State, with the aim of wishing him a get well message. Little did they knew, that he has already gone back to his creator thousands kilometers away from home. As if my mum knew that she will never set eyes on him or hear a word from his tongue, she decided to visit and pray for his quick recovery but it was already late, as he died many hours before she could arrived. She met our house like a paper market, full of people but zero sound with tears running down the chicks of every face she looked at, she joined the wagon and cried for the lost of a great hero. His corpse was brought home that same day escorted by Customs Officers in charge of Kamba border in Kebbi State and was buried immediately according to Islamic rights.
I left for a test that morning as a university undergraduate, my mom has gone to Kebbi to check on my dad health. I returned home from school and was very shocked to meet my Grandma alone at home telling me to leave for kebbi immediately where my family live except my mom and i. I rang my sister's mobile but couldn't reach her online, i rang almost everybody's phone but it was unreachable. I turned to my granny and asked what may be the reason for summoning me this late hours? Her reply was nothing as she looks shattered. I asked her for the second time then she said, your father's health is in a terrible situation, so your presence is needed immediately to be close to him.
I was still not satisfied with her answer considering the way she looks. I decided to pass a night before embarking on the journey.
I left immediately after dawn and arrived before the expected time, i covered the distance of about 2-3 hours in less than one and half hours. On reaching the junction of our street, everywhere was full of cars.
Hundreds of people hustling to gain entry into our house, a signal that alerted me something wrong must have happened.
Tears began rolling down my eyes, people began welcoming me even before my house, many greetings with condolence messages. My heart skipped and was about fainting before a friend held me up and sat me in his car to relax, he gave me some words of encouragement, he made me to recalled that God gives and God takes, every soul shall taste the bitterness of death, he said " the only thing you can do is to pray for his soul and ask God to grants him pardon and to look after your kinfolks" being me the second child in a family of thirteen. His words of encouragement gave me hardihood, his guts enable me to control myself and lower my body temperature.
I went to the house and stood quietly at the gate quietly. Wondering how on earth will i survive in the absence of my host? I geared up and entered the premises of my house. The first person i jammed was my immediate younger sister, she hugged me and started to cry, i can feel the wetness of her tears on my right shoulder. She delivered a message to me from our late father i will never in my life forgotten, she said
"Daddy said i should tell you to be praying for him, you should make sure all of us are united, you should forgive him what ever wrong he did to you as he has forgiving all of us. He said never shall any of us try to pathways with his brother, we should be our brother's keepers, we should not allow what he left as inheritance to separate us and that he loves of all us." I can't say anything rather than Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun, Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun, Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun (from Allah we came, and to Him we shall return).
She lead me to the palour where people that came to register their condolence are entertained. As we entered, everybody boasted into tears as soon as they set eyes on me. Many cried as they saw me because i am an image of the late Custom officer, i am exactly a carbon copy of my late dad. I raised up my head, and saw all the wall pictures of my dad turned backward. That made me to cry loudly until my step mom calm me down and asked me to join her in prayers, which we did together.
She served me breakfast, i couldn't eat because i've lost appetite for life in general. I washed my face and put on a dark shed to hide away my swollen crying eyes and sat on the carpet by the side of a chair where my Dad normally sit watching televised news.
Our house was filled up with women at every corner and at any visible location. As news of my presence began to circulate, people of all sort converged to soothe me over a great lost not only to me but to everyone linked with our family. I still don't believe i will no longer set eyes on him again because he was buried a day before i could arrived or even before i was informed, i felt like seeing him coming out of his apartment when ever i turned around and looked through his room. What triggered the sadness in my heart was i didn't even set eyes on my father's corpse, he left me without saying goodbye. Inna Lil Lahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rajiun. As the increasing number of people coming to sympathize with us got so huge that we can't longer received and accommodate them all, we decided to divide them into two. Men are to receive men at my dad's family house while women to receive women at my father's house.
I lead all men to our family house where we sat receiving visitors. People from all works of life are converging to sympathize with us over the exit of our breadwinner. I couldn't stop crying when ever someone condole me, i replied people with nodding my head instead answering Amen. My throat was dry, my spit has seized, my eyes were like that of an owl as a result of unstoppable tears, my nose was blocked. Where i sat was very sunny but can't even feel the scorching sun until someone told me to shift and sit in a shed or under one of the canopy.
I can't believe this to be true, i never imagine to live without my dad. Dad, you left me the time i needed you most, the time when life is becoming difficult to me, you left me when i was about to face the real challenges of this wicked world. As an undergraduate, the university days are the best moments someone needs attention and care, it's the best period any child requires funding, constructive advice, someone to lead him to the outside world where life was never easy and the time of increase responsibilities. This was the time God took him away from me. I love you dad but i know God loves you more, so He (God) took him away and he will never come back to me.
On the third day after his death (the three days mourning period), we all assembled with our sympathizers to pray for God's marcy, blessings, favours and trust upon him. We prayed for him, eternal peace and paradise, we prayed for God to grant him pardon to any of his wrong doings.
Before his death, he has instructed that all his children should be taken to the cemetery where he was buried to pray for him. We headed right away to the graveyard and walked straight to his resting place, prayers were massively offered and i marked a sign for me to identify his grave anytime i visited to pray for him. That was when i wished my dad farewell and thank God for the wonderful and beautiful life he gave him but was unable to hold tears on my eyes, tears all over my shirt.
I tilted down his grave and said, what have you done wrong to me that you asked for forgiveness?
I don't need to forgive you on anything, you have not done wrong to me on any issue. But as you requested, i have forgiven you on everything you ever did to me which i don't know any and never recalled what wrong you ever did to me. I waved him goodbye and stood on his side until i was pulled by an uncle who took me away to the car. I was forced to leave the cemetery by my uncles as i don't want to go away from my dad.
He was to us, as tires are to a car. He was to us, as blood is to human body. He was to us, as skin is to flesh. He was to us, as cement is to a block. He was to us, as elephant is to its sibling. He was to us, as tongue is to mouth. He was to us, as water is to life. He was to us, as water is to earth. He was to us, as sun is to green plant. He was to us, as spica is to the moon. He was to us, as oxygen is to life. He was to us, as brain is to human. He was to us, as health is to man. He was to us, as cloud is to rain. He was to us, as land is to crops. He was to us, as education is to the society. He was to us, as wealth is to the rich. He was to us, as engine is to a machine. Infact, he was our life. We will forever be painful over his death, no life on earth can replace his to us. We have now nothing as all what we have has gone back to his creator. You will never know how wicked people are until you lost your dad.
My father, has contributed immensely to the development of this nation. First as a teacher in a teachers college where he taught many of our expert now. He mentor many young men who has now turn in to be successful and contributed meaningful development to their societies. He was a patriotic citizen with discipline and a comrade. He was responsible or part of many achievements recorded in the Sokoto Teachers College, he played a very important role in developing the school to what it is today.
He was hard working and like to crack jokes, but he can change all of a sudden to his other part when ever something was done. He valued education than anything in life, he was religiously active and a hospitable man. You are the best dad ever and the best thing i had ever heard of, you death was the most painful and saddest event in my life.
When he was in the Nigerian Customs Service, he did his best to halt corruption where he can and introduce a fair system for all. He served in many borders, seaports and airports across Nigeria as a result of hard work and dedication. He was a devoted Custom Officer that raised to the rank of Deputy Comptroller until his death. A well intelligent father that chooses for his children the right way and later you must concur and realized his choice was the best. A man of wisdom, a hero, a brave man, charismatic and a faithful father. Until his death, he was serving with the Bauchi command of the Nigerian Customs. He earned a Bachelors Degree and a Masters before joining the Customs Service in the 1980s.
Today, we remember the life of a great man, a hero and an honest servant of God.
On behalf of my family, our family friends and all our well wishers. We are soliciting and begging for prayers to send to the soul of our dear father. We want everyone to join us in a special prayer session to ask God for forgiveness toward our beloved father. As we remember the exit of this devoted and selfless servant, please pause to pray with us.
(Allahhum maghfirlahu warhamhu wa'fu 'anhu wa 'afihee wa-akrim nuzuluhu wa was-si' mudkhalahu, waghsilhu bil maee wath thalji wal bardi, wa naq-qihi minal 'khataya Kama yunaq- qath thawbul abyadu minad danasi, wa abdilhu daran Khayram min darihi, wa ahlan Khayram min ahlihi wa zawjan khayrum min-zawjihi, wa adkhil hul jan-nata, waqihi fitnatal qabri wa 'Azaban nar)
O Allah! Forgive him and have Mercy on him and give him strength and pardon him. Be generous to him and cause his entrace to be wide and wash him with water and snow and hail.
Cleanse him of his transgressions as white cloth is cleansed of stains. Give him an abode better than his home, and a family better than his family and a wife better than his wife. Take him into Paradise and protect him from the punishment of the grave (and of the fire)
For Adults
(Allahum maghfir lihayyina, wa mayyitinaa, wa shaahidina, wa ghaa-'ibina, wa sagheerina, wa kabeerina, wa dhakarrina wa untha. Allahumma man ahyaitahu mina fa ahyihi 'alal Islami wa man tawaf-faytahu mina fatawaffahu 'alal imani. Allahumma la tahrima arjahu wa la tudhillana ba'dahu)
O Allah! Forgive our living and our dead, those who are with us and those who are absent, our young and our old, our men and our women. O Allah! Whomever you keep alive from us keep him alive on Islam, and whomever you take away from us, take him as a believer. O Allah! Do not leave us bereft of his good and do not send us astray after them.
(Allahumma inna A. A. Dandare fi dhimmatika, wa habli jiwaarika, faqihi min fitnaltil qabri, qa adhaban-naari, wa anta ahlul Wafaa'i wal-Haqqi. Faghfir lahu warhamhu. Innaka antal Ghafurur-Raheem)
O Allah! Surely A. A. Dandare is under Your protection, and in the rope of Your security, so save him from the trial of the grave and from the punishment of the Fire. You fulfill promises and grant rights, so forgive him and have mercy on him. Surely You are Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Allahumma abduka wabnu amtika ahtaaja ila rahmatika wa anta Ghaniyyun an 'adhaabihi in kaana muhsinan fazid fi hasanatihi, wa in kaana musii'an fata-jaawaz 'anhu)
O Allah! Your slave, the child of Your slave is in need of Your mercy, and You are not in need of his torment. If he was pious then increase his rewards, and if he was a transgressor then pardon him.
May the soul of my faithful father continue to rest in peace and may he be among the favoured creatures in the hereafter. AMEN
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